Yahoo!?!?

“You wanted to see me great god?” I cautiously muttered as I approached the great god of research.

“Go search the web near and far for search results” great god bellowed down upon thee.

“Yes sir, actually sir, I have come prepared…in fact, I have compiled all the necessary search results data and I  emailed you on my way through the great gates just moments ago, sir” I stuttered as I cautiously inched closer to thy great god.

“Hmmm” he exhaled almost knocking me off my feet as he checked is PDA for my email “Well, here it is!” great god exclaimed grinning ear to ear…”Excellent”…gleaming down upon me while the file downloaded and opened.

Slowly, my heart started to beat again as the clouds parted basking me in his great rays of godliness.

Then came the loudest and brightest thunder and lightening one can imagine…as my iphone exploded within my hands, I was brought to my knees.  I can barely recall what happened next, my eyes blinded by the intensity and body crushed by the force.

“Where’s the Yahoo data?” great god of research bemoaned over the crashing lightning

“Oh dear….great god of research…forgive me sir” I squeaked out

“This is inadequate…and unacceptable…finish this immediately and return to me within 24 hours!” great god demanded.

“Yes sir”  I whispered, my energy drained as I crawled back out through the great gates, descending back unto earth.

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Fortunately I remembered hearing stories of such “Yahoo”.   Upon my earthly arrival, I thought about the “Yahoo” and how/where I would find it…driven by fear of the great god of research, I went to see the the gimp under the bridge, for I knew he would know more about this “Yahoo”, if anyone.

“What do you want” he hissed hobbling toward me as as I entered his habitat.

“I’ve come to ask you about Yahoo” I pseudo-confidently responded.

“Yahoo!?!?” Yahoo!?!? Did you say Yahoo!?!?” he quickly remarked scurrying over to me and into the light.  I tried not to look to closely as he stepped up to me staring into my eyes, the breath of thousands of dead animals, one leg severed by self inflicted wounds, his torso, chest, and neck burnt and charred . I was stunned speechless.

“Yes, Yahoo!?!? I said breaking the silence, holding back my tears.

“Yahoo?!?!” his teeth clenched as though he would  kill me right then and there, never a soul to know.

“Right” holding my ground…I tried not to look into the gaping hole that once held an eyeball…our faces were now aligned, inches apart.

“Here, but don’t say I didn’t warn you…and don’t ever mention this to anyone” handing me a Dell Inspiron pre-loaded with the Yahoo toolbar.

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As I ventured into the Yahoo search space, I became perilously distracted such unpleasantries as “Angelina Jolie’s Dress”, “101 dating tips” and “OMG”.  It was pure poison, a literal hell on earth, and I was in the midst of it.

“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo” I cried to the great god of research…”Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo”

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